Control Yourself

If you’ve ever been around a school when the bell rings, you know what I mean when I say it’s complete and utter chaos. 

I work at a school and I am the crossing guard out in front of the school in the afternoon. I wear a bright yellow vest and a friendly-ish smile as the kids are running past me like they just escaped jail. The first 10 minutes are a blur. There’s kids of all ages walking, running, biking, scootering, every which way. There’s those inspiring parents who meet their darling children every day with a big hug and a “How was your day?” There’s the kind older woman babysitter who is always (attempting) to corral all of her little ones into her minivan.  It’s mass chaos, but not because of the kids. 

Because of the get-out-of-my-way-I’m-the-only-one-in-a-hurry parents. 

Today was the first day in 2 years doing this that I was honked at and flagged down. There was a woman in a van wanting to turn, and she waited for both cars to go straight. All good so far, right? Well, it was supposed to be her turn to go, but another car decided to go straight ahead of her. And she did not like that. She honked her horn so loud the kid waiting patiently next to me closed his ears. At first I thought she was just honking at the other car, because I guess that’s what you do when you have road rage. But when I looked at her, she had stopped in the middle of the street, honked AGAIN, and made the “Well what are you gonna do about it??!!” hands and face at me, and then sped away.

 I literally just stood there, stunned. Is she REALLLY mad at ME for what just happened? What in the world was I supposed to do? Run out in the middle of the street and stop the car, just to make sure she got her turn? No, thanks. Could have I maybeeee gotten the cars license plate? Sure.  Maybeeee he would be in the schools system? Okay. And then he could have gotten a stern talking to about taking turns! 

But, I couldn’t even DO THAT. Because you distracted me by honking and making a scene. Look, I get it, you’re in a hurry to get your daughter to dance or soccer or whatever extracurricular activity you put her in right after school. I’m sure you’re the only one!!! 

No, seriously though. I do get it. I’ve been her before, actually almost every morning going to work. Whether it be because of me taking my sweet time drinking my coffee or Oliver throwing a fit about what shoes he’s wearing, 9/10 time we’re running out of the door. I’m a hot mess, running late, and now I have road rage because “nobody knows how to freaking drive!” And then when I do get to work, with at least 5 minutes to spare, I feel silly. Silly for making something out of nothing. Silly for letting myself lose control. 

I really am a huge control freak. Ask my husband, and pray for him too, because he probably gets the worst of it. “That’s not how the bed should be made!” “Don’t put that cup there!” “Please, try to have a filter!” 

I really have been trying to stop and let things go, especially since we had Oliver. He LOVES to “help” in whatever way he can- putting laundry away, dishes away, groceries away. I should be overjoyed that he already wants to do that stuff! But instead, I find myself saying “Oliver your shirt doesn’t go in that drawer!” “Oliver don’t put the dishes on the ground!”  “Oliver don’t smoosh the bread!” 

Instead of taking a breath and letting him be him, I try to control every little thing and have him do it my way. I work myself up so much that I lose control of myself and get so frazzled over such little things! Yeah, his drawers will be messy and the dishes may not go EXACTLY where they’re supposed to. But I would have a happy, proud little boy, and I would be just fine. 

So, my point in this post, is simply control YOURSELF. You don’t need to have control of everybody and everything around you- because you can’t! I can’t control when a driver doesn’t take his turn, and neither can you, honker lady. So relax, you’ll get there, I promise. I can’t control what another coworker says or does, I can only control what I and how I respond. I can’t control my husband or son, and I shouldn’t want to! I should let them be who God created them to be. 

All I and you can do is- control y o u r s e l f. 

So, be kind. Do you. Worry about yourself…. and don’t honk at the person making sure your kids get across the street safely. 😊


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