I catch myself multiple times a day dreaming of “Jordan’s perfect world.” You know, the life that would happen when literally EVERYTHING happens that you want, when you want. I know, crazy right?? But I’m sure I’m not the o n l y one in my own little world, wishing, dreaming of perfection.
In a perfect world, I would be a stay at home mom, writing whenever I want, while making a surplus of money while doing so. In a perfect world, Drew wouldn’t be working at a 9-5 job, but putting his heart and soul and time in youth ministry. In a perfect world, we would be living in a suberb of some big city, in a cute, white house with a big yard and enough rooms to fit the 4+ kids we will eventually have. In a perfect world, I would already be pregnant with one of those kids to give Ollie a beautiful little brother or sister. In a perfect world, we would be able to go on a yearly vacation, to the mountains one year and to the beach the next. In a perfect world, the Chicago Bears wouldn’t make me pull my hair out every Sunday and would prove every hater wrong. In a perfect world, I would have an endless amount of free coffee, because I would have my own coffee shop where I could hide away for a couple hours. In a perfect world, I would have a robot to do all of my laundry. In a perfect world, it would be fall everyday. In a perfect world, every single person I know would love Jesus with their whole heart. In a perfect world, there wouldn’t be anymore hate, but only grace, love and joy.
After I get done dreaming of this perfect world, I find myself in either of these feelings: hopeless or hopeful.
Honestly, I probably let myself feel hopeless most of the time. I feel like there’s no way any of this can happen, and I sit there discouraged and hopeless. I think that I’m not good enough, smart enough, loving enough, not enough. I just can’t see how this life can turn into this magical fairytail, where everyday is an adventure and I’m never discontent. I’m not saying at this moment I HATE everything in my life. I love my husband and son, but I want more for them. I love being so close to both of our families, but I also know there’s more than this little city. I love working with kids, but I want to work with my own kid more. I love our church and our youth kids, but I know there’s more people out there that need to hear about Jesus’s love.
You see, this perfect world is just about wanting more. And I don’t think that’s a bad thing. It means I have goals, it means that I don’t just want to live a day to day life with no desire for change.
And wanting more, makes me hopeful.
I have hope that one day I will have accomplished some of these desires and dreams. I have hope that one day I will be staying home with our children while still doing what I love. I have hope that one day I can spread this grace, love and joy throughout the world. I have hope that one day I won’t hear about these hateful things happening DAILY. I have hope for my family. I have hope for my dreams. I have hope for this world.
This hope is going to get me through the day. This hope is going to push me to move these mountains. This hope is going to accomplish so many things for my perfect world- even that robot!
It’s good to have dreams. It’s good to have passions. It’s good to have hope.
Keep striving for your perfect world. I promise, you’ll get there.