This is new territory for me, as I’ve never been one to talk about or “show off” my body. I’ve never been comfortable with it. I’ve never loved it the way I should. But I think it’s time to start.
My whole life, I’ve never thought of myself as “petite.” I’ve always had the big booty and thick thighs to go with it. I’m short and stumpy, thanks to my dad. And I’ve just never been able to be okay with that. I look back at pictures now from high school, and even at 120 pounds, I remember feeling bleh whenever I looked at myself in the mirror. I remember feeling bleh trying on homecoming dresses, because the more fitted ones always showed off those curves. I remember feeling bleh whenever I put on jeans, because I could never find ones that fit me right. I just remember a whole lot of bleh.
When I got pregnant with Oliver, I thought that the bleh would go away. I SO BADLY wanted to enjoy my pregnancy and the amazing things my body could do. But I always had that little voice in my head, saying I can only gain x amount of weight, or else I won’t be healthy. Or else my baby won’t be healthy. Or else I will never get “my body back.” Even through the cravings and the wanting to lay down and rest, that voice was always there. So I stayed busy, I walked every day, I only gained the minimum weight I was told to… but I lost the amazement of what 9 months of growing a baby could do.
I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that I’m all better now and I love my body and there was this magical moment of losing this body image issue. I have my good days where I feel great and am proud of where I am. And then the next day could be the complete opposite and I feel crappy and embarrassed about how my body looks. It’s a daily battle… but one I’m willing to fight. Because if I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin, how can I expect my son to? Or my youth girls? Or any daughters that I may have.
I want Oliver to grow up being comfortable in his own skin, even if he’s not the tallest (he’s got 2 shorties for parents, what can he expect?!) If and when I ever have a daughter, I pray that I have the words for her whenever she dislikes whatever type of body she may have. That she can look at her mom and SEE the beauty and strength and confidence. I want my youth girls to have a good influence and know that no matter how much their bodies change throughout the years, they can and will always shine their beauty that God gave them.
Some days I feel confident with my mom bod. Some days bread and chocolate are my enemy. But no matter what day I’m having, I know that I have a strong, beautiful body that birthed a healthy boy- and some day, I WILL find the perfect jeans to fit.