Thoughts on New Motherhood

Love at first sight, that sickening phrase is probably true for a lot of moms, but is a downright lie for most of us. I’m one of them. I thought when they placed Finn on my chest after he was born, I’d have this feeling of being complete. That everything was right in the world. I remember all I could think about was his butt. This tiny little butt was the only thing I knew about him. When I was pregnant he was always sticking his butt out, to the right of my belly button. I’d poke it and he’d do a little dance. I didn’t know his face, his personality, his cry.

Don’t get me started on the crying either. I knew they cry at first but I didn’t expect it to continue for the first few months of his life. I was so terrified leaving the hospital that I just cried the whole walk out and ride home. They give you this newborn that you don’t even really know, with no manual, and expect you to know what to do. I was supposed to take care of a tiny human when I couldn’t even take care of myself. New mothers deserve better. They deserve the truth:
It’s okay to not be overcome with joy after having your baby. You’re gonna hurt, and that’s okay. You’ll even probably still look pretty pregnant, that’s okay too. 
Mother to mother, I’ll let you in on a little secret. If you don’t love your newborn right away, it’s fine. You’ll grow to love them. They’ll eventually become your whole world, you’ll do anything to make you smile. 
There’s going to be so many times that you just have to sit in a mess. Your laundry is piling up, your sink is full of dishes, but that tiny human needs mama. It’s okay. 
And mama? Stop apologizing for the mess when people come over. You’re raising a tiny human, give yourself grace.

So please, if someone asks what they can do for you, let them help you. 
-Lexy Larson-Anderson

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