With just a few days under my belt of being a mom of two, I have realized quickly that I need “the questions” asked.
“How are you doing?”
“How are you feeling?”
“What can I do to help?”
I have heard these same questions every single day, multiple times a day. My husband has been the most frequent, followed by friends and family. At first, I was highly annoyed by how many times I was being asked. The stubborn, independent side of me always came back with the same answers of “I’m fine” or “I’m good.” I was supposed to be super mom, I was supposed to be able to handle it all. But after a few emotional breakdowns, multiple nights of getting up every couple of hours, my patience being more than gone, I realized that I need to be asking MYSELF those same questions.
I have seen how easy it can be for postpartum depression to quickly slide in. I can see how one may become so tuned into the “I’m fine” mindset, that when they really aren’t “fine,” they don’t know how to express that. They don’t know how to ask for help, or they may not even see that they NEED help.
Thankfully, it only took me a few more “How are you doing?” to realize that it’s okay if I’m not doing okay. If I need the break to take a 20 minute, kidless shower, then I need to take it. If my answer needs to be “I’m overly tired.”, then that needs to be my answer. Because if I don’t tell myself that it’s okay, then I won’t think it is. It’s the self love mindset that needs to come in play- where you know what you need and how to take care of yourself before you jump down the dark hole of depression, anxiety, and whatever else that comes along with it.
Thankfully, I had those people around me to ask those questions. Most of them know me more than I know myself, and know that even when I say “I’m fine”, I’m really not just fine.
But not everybody does. Not everybody has those people to look out for them. To know when enough is enough. To be the light when they need it most.
So, I’m telling YOU, be that person. Ask the simple, but most important questions there can be. Because you really never know when they’re just looking for that one person to be able to let it all out, to be able to say that they aren’t okay.
Ask the questions.