I am spending my night writing. Not doing my homework. Not watching a TV show for the hundreth time. Not cleaning up the pop that Oliver spilled all over the kitchen floor- I mean CLEAN clean, like with a mop and not just paper towels and our dog licking it up. No, I’m writing now over all of the other things because this is what I NEED. Yes, homework needs to be done in order for me to keep up my grades to stay on the Dean’s List (Yes, I just shouted out to myself for that, I freaking EARNED that and I’m proud of it!!!) But that can wait until tomorrow. Yes, the kitchen floor needs a good scrubbing, but that can also wait until tomorrow… or until another spill happens. But I NEEDED to do this tonight. Because I have put it off for far too long. And by “it”, I mean something that makes me happy. Something that destresses me like nothing else. Something that I don’t have to think about- it just comes natural.
To be honest, I have put happiness on the back burner for far too long. I’m not saying my huband and kids aren’t my happiness, they’re at the top of my list of my favorite things. They make me happy everyday that I get to be around them. But when life and kids and events and everything else get busy, happiness can be taken over by stress, anxiety, and even anger. I’ve been just going through the motions and emotions of life and not taking a second to find my happiness. I go from watching the kids to doing homework to cleaning the house to going to class to watching a show that I’ve seen before just so I can lay on the couch for an hour… and then the day is over and the next comes and it’s the same thing. Over and over again.
Life is far too precious to be just living around the clock. To be just crossing things off the long list. To be just content with where you are and not trying to be better.
I’ve been stuck in this place for sometime now, but this pitty party is over and I am ready to get up and try again. To try to be a better mom, wife, daughter, friend. And all of that starts with taking time to be happy. To finding things that light it up again. To not worrying about every little thing and just letting it go.
Here’s to happiness.